Dear FanFiction Authors,
by PrinceOfAir
Summary: A few letters from the Camp Half-Blood and Camp Jupiter campers.
1. Percy Jackson

Dear FanFiction Authors,

Some of you are very dirty-minded.

Seriously? 238 M-rated Fanfics? Majority, of which, aren't even starring me and my girlfriend, but my cousins and I?

Wow.

Just...wow.

I know some of you are thinking, "Hey, it's a sixteen year old Son of Poseidon, let's make wet jokes!"

But as the person being objectified in this statement, I...object to this statement.

Sincerely,

A very confused Perseus Jackson.

P.S. Just hope Annabeth doesn't find out about this.


	2. Annabeth Chase

Dear FanFiction Authors,

Why does my hat get it's own section in the character lists?

Also, I'd really appreciate it if you typed things properly, without the 'lyk' and the 'u r kewl' crap.

Some of us are dyslexic, you know.

Sincerely,

Annabeth Chase.

P.S. Percy told me not to look at his letter.

P.P.S. Seaweed Brain, you're dead.

P.P.S. So are you, FanFiction writers. I'll get you one day.


	3. Grover Underwood

Dear FanFiction Authors,

I'm Percy's protector! Percy's!

Well, some of these new demigods _are_ babes...but I'm Percy's protector!

Perseus Jackson's, okay?

Percy Jackson, Son of Poseidon.

And he's my best friend.

BEST. FRIEND.

No romantic feelings for each other.

Hear that, ladies? GROVER UNDERWOOD IS AVAILABLE.

Sincerely,

An available Grover Underwood.

P.S. Don't ask about Juniper.


	4. Nico di Angelo

Dear FanFiction Authors,

Since when did Thalia have any interest in me?

She's my cousin.

Cousin.

COUSIN.

Get that in your head.

And stop pegging me down as some depressed emo kid.

I have feelings, you know, and you're hurting them by thinking that I hate myself.

Which I might.

Whatever.

And since when did I become such a ladies' man?

I'm twelve, folks.

Sincerely,

Nico di Angelo.


	5. Thalia Grace

Dear FanFiction Authors,

What's this I hear about coupling me up with my cousins?

There's a reason I wear 'DEATH TO BARBIE' shirts.

Or shirts that seem very menacing.

I am very capable of being menacing.

I'm a menacing Daughter of Zeus-slash-Huntress of Artemis.

Or would you like some proof?

Sincerely, Thalia Grace.

P.S. Don't you dare start coupling me with my younger brother.


	6. Bianca Di Angelo

Dear FanFiction Authors,

What's it like being alive?

And I know what you're going to be asking me:

What's it like being dead?

Is it scary?

Is it cold?

Well, I'm dead.

And there's no coming back to life for me.

But relax.

I'm a Daughter of Hades.

There's no need to worry.

Take care of Nico, alright?

Sincerely,

Bianca Di Angelo.


	7. Luke Castellan

Dear FanFiction Authors,

Miss me?

I thought so.

There are some good plots out there, actually.

But it's not like I can read much from the Underworld.

Dad says that he misses me.

If sacrificing myself got his attention, then it was worth it.

Even though I...got myself into this situation in the first place.

Now, you listen to me, alright:

Do. Not. Destroy. My. Image.

I. Am. Not. Some. Kind. Of. Player.

I'm dead, for Zeus' sake.

Just remember me as a hero, alright?

A hero.

A sexy, sexy, hero.

Sincerely,

Luke Castellan, Son of Hermes


	8. Rachel Dare

Dear FanFiction Authors,

WILL ALL OF YOU_ PLEASE_ MAKE UP YOUR MINDS?

WHAT'S IT GONNA BE, PERCY AND RACHEL, NICO AND RACHEL, OR OCTAVIAN AND RACHEL?

I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER HERE.

AND IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN SEE INTO THE FUTURE OF THE INTERNET.

Or can I?

Sincerely,

Rachel Elizabeth Dare

P.S. I don't even know who Octavian is...


	9. Annabeth's Hat and Riptide

Dear FanFiction Authors,

We now declare Annabeth's Hat and Riptide as a canon couple.

Sincerely,

Annabeth's Hat and Riptide.


	10. Zoe Nightshade

Dear FanFiction Authors,

I'm a constellation.

A constellation.

Running through the sky.

See? No real fingers.

I'm supposed to be waving my fingers in front of you.

Not working?

I thought so.

Sincerely,

Zoe Nightshade

P.S. My lady, if you're reading this, thank you. I can run with you for eternity now, can't I?


	11. Tyson the Cyclops

Dear FanFiction Authors,

Does big brother like this Ella?

She sounds pretty.

And does she like peanut butter?

Sincerely,

Tyson.


	12. Clarisse La Rue

Dear FanFiction Authors,

What's all this I see about me and Chris?

Do I need to show you what I did to that Drakon, you little shrimps?

Because I wouldn't mind repeating it.

In fact, come at me.

I'm a Daughter of Ares.

Got a problem with that?

Maimer sure doesn't.

Sincerely,

Clarisse La Rue, Drakon slayer.

P.S. Did I just hear you call Maimer 'Lamer?'


	13. Connor and Travis Stoll

Dear FanFiction Authors,

YAAAAYYYY!

PEOPLE HERE LIKE US!

WE AREN'T FORGOTTEN!

HIGH FIVE, BRO!

WE'RE GOT A BOOKSTORE TO RAID!

I mean visit.

Sincerely,

The Stolls.


	14. Jason Grace

Dear FanFiction Authors,

Piper and I have a couple name now?

Hmm.

Jasper.

Not bad.

Oh yeah...

Why...why are there love triangles between me, Reyna, and Piper?

Come on, guys.

What's the love triangle name now, huh?

Jasperey?

Sincerely,

Jason Grace.

P.S. Thalia mentioned something about incest.

P.P.S. Now I see what she's talking about.

P.P.P.S. NONE OF US ARE HORNY, INCESTOUS BEASTS. WE'RE TEENAGERS, FOR JUPITER'S SAKE.


	15. Piper McLean

Dear FanFiction Authors,

Well, um, you're all very flattering for calling me pretty and all.

But it seems to me like you're interested in my Dad.

Just hold on a second, okay?

You'll find out more.

And, no, I won't be talking about my relationships.

Sincerely,

Piper McLean

P.S. Jason's kind of offended. Ha-ha. He's so cute when he's offended.


	16. Leo Valdez

Dear FanFiction Authors,

WASSAAAPP?

Leo Valdez here, reporting to you from the Argo numero dos.

With all this buzz goin' on and some people wondering if I get a girlfriend or not, I'd like to announce something.

Something so great, and so amazing, it'll blow your minds and leave you wondering what the heck just happened to you and if this is real life, or if this is all just some fantasy.

It's news about my love life.

Well, folks, are you ready to hear about it?

Are you ready to hear who the lucky girl is?

Well.

Sorry. I can't tell you.

Do _not_ underestimate my annoying powers, for they are great and spectacular in their own ways.

You're going to have to be patient, like the rest of them, and keep matching me up with the song "All By Myself" even though I'm not "All By Myself."

And who's Hazel?

Sincerely,

Leo Valdez.


	17. Frank Zhang

Dear FanFiction Authors,

Um...hi.

I've never done this before, so...I guess I should start off with introducing myself?

Ah, Percy and Hazel said not to, so it could be more interesting that way.

Oh, shoot, did I say it already?

I screwed things up again, didn't I?

Sorry.

Anyway, there's a huge battle coming up. I can tell. Look out. Surely, Dad'll be putting a lot of pressure on me, 'cause, you know, the lineage and stuff. _Obviously_ no pressure there, right? It's not like the fate of the whole world's resting on our shoulders.

Still, you gotta do what you gotta-

HEY! DID THAT HORSE JUST CALL ME A CHINESE CANADIAN BABY MAN AGAIN?

Honestly. Grandma wouldn't approve of any of this.

Sincerely,

Frank Zhang


End file.
